Head to Balls

I don't know if anyone else saw this, but watching after a drive I noticed Rasheed Wallace holding his balls in pain. Watching the game with a bunch of guys, we decided to rewind to see what happened to him and how he got hit. Turns out Big Baby Glen Davis bent over while he was falling, and HEADBUTTED Sheed in the balls. No joke. Check out the video, and sorry for the short length of it. If you watch close enough you can see the top of his head go RIGHT into Sheed's balls. Classic.

Wow..

I'm sorry if this is someones brother or cousin or something, but this might be the ugliest fan I have ever seen on TV at a basketball game. I'm not sure if you guys saw him during the BEATDOWN that the Celtics put on Orlando tonight, but it was during the 4th quarter. Two Laker's fans got on TV only because they were wearing Laker's gear, and then this guy and his unibrow snuck onto the television. I don't know who let him out of his mom's basement to go see the game, but oh my god that is intense.

Best Craigslist Post Ever?

***click on the picture to blow it up bigger

On 9 Weird-Ass Animals:

#9 Komondor Dog

We start off with possibly the oddest coat of a hair found on a dog in the komondor dog. It is the largest amount of hair found in the canine family and as you can plainly see looks like it belongs wiping down my kitchen.

#8 Theridion Grallatora

Yep you aren't seeing things. Its a fucking smiley face on a spider. The only guess as to how the spider got to be like that is that mother nature had a bad acid trip.

#7 Axolotl

It's actually kinda cute in a weird sort of way. The axolotl is a type of Mexican neotenic mole salamander. For whatever messed up reason, the larvae don't go through metamorphosis and remain looking like that weird thing above this text.

#6 Tarsier

The remaining six animals may give you nightmares for nights to come. We kick off the creepiness with the tarsier. Rumor has it if you make eye contact with it in real life you implode instantly. Not much description is needed of it after just looking in those eyes.

#5 Deep Sea Hatchetfish

The look on these fish faces makes me want to hit my face repeatedly with a hatchet (get it!? HATCHETfish!?). It is apparent where souls tortured in hell take refuge - in these fish. I'm sure the only reason you cannot hear their screams is because luckily they are underwater.

#4 Star Nosed Mole

I know what you're thinking, "What the hell is that thing and where is its face!?" I've got bad news for you: it is a soul sucking mole that actually lives in the Northeast United States. Screw eastern equine encephalitis virus (EEE), this demon creature is a much bigger threat to humanity.

#3 Mata Mata Turtle

Another creature apparently possessed by a demon. The mata mata turtle is the closest thing we have to Bowser in nature. Luckily its not known to prey on humans.

#2 Promachoteuthis Sulcus

It is a human mouth surrounded by tenticles, yet also looks like a monster from some cheap Japanese cartoon porn. This creature is actually a type of squid. The teeth are really lips that cover the more normal-looking beak of the squid.

#1 Aye Aye

It could quite possibly be the creepiest, most weird-ass animal ever. It is a lemur that lives in Madagascar and uses its creepy fingers to find grubs to eat. This animal looks like someone gave a rat crystal meth and released it into the jungle. Another possible source for this fucked up creature is that it was born in the vagina of a prostitute. Either explanation would satisfy my scared shitless curiosity. Even though it is so ugly, since it is endangered were legally required to give a shit about it. I wouldn't be upset if we killed them all.

Magnus, t.C.

Bruins Remain Boston's Most Irrelevant Team

Sitting at home watching the start of Game 7 of the Flyers/Bruins series, I began to think how we got there. I have never seen a sports team in my day go from so loved to so hated in such a short period of time. Let's Recap..
APRIL 14th, 2010- The playoffs have yet to start, and nobody in Boston really cares about their hockey team. Sad, but true.
APRIL 26th, 2010- The Bruins eliminate the Sabers from the playoffs in the first round, and people begin to believe that Boston is just naturally good at every sport. People jump on the Bruin's bandwagon, and Bruin's T-shirt sales skyrocket. I can admit that I was one of those fair-weather fans. Let's Go Bruins! HOCKEY RULES!
MAY 5th 2010- The Bruins take up a 3-0 lead against the Flyers, and suddenly people don't even think about the Patriots. Bruins are Boston's team, and the city collectively busts a nut to Tukka Rask. Hockey is relevant in Boston again.
MAY 12th 2010- Only a week later, the Flyers make it an even series, and everyone dislikes the Bruins again. I wouldn't say hate, because that isn't true. But everyone is witnessing a monumental collapse before they're eyes. The fate of the Bruins in the city of Boston stands alone on Game 7...
      And that took us to tonight, Game 7. I ALMOST posted a blog about how the Bruins went from so loved to so hated yesterday, but I figured if they won Game 7, they would be back in the hearts of all the bandwagon fans. With the help from Milan Lucic's 2 Goals, the Bruins quickly took a 3-0 lead in the game. However the similarity between this game and the series was shown when the Flyers began to make ANOTHER monumental comeback, before winning in the 3rd period, 4-3.
      Now the Bruin's are irrelevant again. Some of you may remember a blog we posted about the biggest chokes in sports history, and as embarrassing as it is, I have to put this collapse up there with those fuckin' Yankees. When they took the 3-0 lead on the Flyers, I actually considered watching regular season hockey games next year, just so I could see how my Bruins we're doing. The city loved the Bruins, and they watched the playoffs religiously. Now after the collapse, let's be honest, noone cares anymore. Next year's regular season will be the same as this season was, with only diehard hockey fans watching the games, and everyone else wondering why there is ice on the Celtic's court. Sorry Bruins, you had your opportunity to be up there with the Celtics and the Sox and the Patriots, but you blew it. You are once again the most irrelevant major sports team in the biggest sports capital of the World. Congratulations. Go Canadians.

Ugliest Players In Sport

Watching pro sport events is one of the most entertaining things we can do. There is nothing better then sitting down with a beer or two, or eight, and watch the big game. However, the more we get into the game, the more annoying it is to see ugly pro athletes excel. (In the case of Sheldon Williams, not excel on the pro level.) As a man, it kills to see the winning goal or shot be made by a man that you would not associate yourself with. It gets you thinking on why you couldn't be blessed with that talent, but that sasquatch can! The most annoying thing is knowing that guy is going to bring home an attractive girl, just because of it. Figure if Sheldon Williams can get Candice Parker, maybe I could get Jessica Alba, or Scarlet Johansson. The thing that really confuses me is how I can honestly say if a girl is so bad looking I can barely look at her, then by God, I will not fuck her just because she can make a few 3 pointers in a WNBA game. I have no idea what these girls are thinking! I guess that goes to show you why if you're born really ugly, and want to lose your virginity to someone other than a hooker, you better get nasty at some type of sport. I have done some surveys and ask a couple questions with my friends, and random people over the past few days and I have made a list of the UGLIEST player in each of the four main pro sports. This list is debatable, but there is no arguing that these men are hard to look at.

NBA- Sheldon Williams, yes thats the one on the left of the picture. Thanks to UNC fans pointing this out, he looks just like chewbacka from Star Wars. He doesn't even have what some like to call a "human" face. He played college ball at Duke, and he married to one

of the hottest girls Candace Parker. He does nothing for the pro game of basketball, and personally makes me sick just looking at him.

CURRENT TEAM: Boston Celtics

MLB- Randy Johnson, he is one of the best lefty pitchers of all-time. Yet, again it's so hard to root for him considering he's a prick, AND you can barely look at him!

CURRENT TEAM: Free Agent

NHL- Evgeni Malkin, one of the best players in the league, but pisses me off how nasty he is because he's so hard to look at. If you think he's bad, you should look at his mother.

CURRENT TEAM: Pittsburgh Penguins

NFL- Marshawn Lynch, this was probably the hardest sport to choose from because there are a lot of ugly dudes in the NFL, but due to the mug shot of Lynch, he takes the cake. Lynch sucks at life in general, and his looks don't help a thing.

CURRENT TEAM: Buffalo Bills

A Nightmare at the Movie Theaters

 

      So me and my girlfriend decided we wanted to catch a late night movie the other day, and we wanted to see something scary. I thought to myself that the perfect movie for this occasion would be the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" remake. The original, being one of the greatest horror movies of all time, set high exceptions for the remake. I was really excited to catch it, but was nervous due to how horribly terrible the attempted remake of "Friday the 13th" was.
       The movie opens up with a fantastic scene, which I thought set the tone perfectly. A random character nobody cares about dies (like all scary movies). You only got quick glimpses of Freddy, which left the character scary and a mystery.
        However, after that scene, I wasn't too impressed. The story took a WHILE to develop, and at least 45 mins had gone by before you knew what the fuck was happening. Don't get me wrong, because the deaths we're great, and as gruesome as they come, but so were the deaths in "My Bloody Valentine".

        Now here is what I think might have ruined the movie for me...Freddy. The Freddy we all know in the original and in "Freddy vs. Jason" is a scary ass mother fucker. He actually freaks you out, and makes you not want to sleep. Now the Freddy that they created in the remake was no more than Joel Sonneburg with claws. He honestly didn't freak me out as much as I wish he did. He had no nose, and literally just looked like some burnt dude. When I went to see "The Dark Knight", I loved it because I was literally SCARED of the Joker while watching it. Like he freaked me the fuck out. I'm not sure if they we're trying to make Freddy more human, or whatever, but it just didn't do it for me.
        The ending, however, was good. I liked it personally and I thought it was a good finish right before the credits. So if I was asked if someone should see it or not, I would tell them to go, but don't get your hopes up. So here are my ratings....

Opening Scene: 5 Stars
Villian: 2 Stars                       THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: 3 1/2 Stars
Plot: 3 Stars
Ending: 4 Stars.

Attn: Readers

The team at YourGirlfriendsFavoriteBlog are officially looking for TWO more writers. If you feel like you have some shit to say, and can blog at least once a week, we want you. So contact Kyle Farnworth or any of the YGFB team to get on. Thanks.

LeBitch

As many of you know, LeBron James is the NBA's MVP (most valuable pussy). His Cavaliers were dubbed as the team to beat this year, as they recorded the NBA's best regular season record. Following their Round 1 victory over the Bulls in five games, they were matched up with the Boston Celtics. The series was back and forth and tied at 2-2, after four games. However in game five, LeBron gave up. Everyone talks about his greatness and how he is the best player... but this guy bitched out big time and gave up, seeming to give a lackluster, uninterested effort in the fourth quarter. Nothing changed for tonight's game six. LeBron may have made more shots, but the dude almost racked up a double-double... with points and TURNOVERS. He has given up on Cleveland, and will be chasing that paper this summer... en route to the New York Knicks. LeBron, I hope you enjoyed being the playoffs while it lasted... Let's face it, the Knicks don't stand a chance at making it the postseason. You are not Michael Jordan, nor will you ever be up for debate to be on His level. You're a bitch, gave up on your team, and gave up on Cleveland... not a most valuable player to me.

Beirut Betty

Betty White has game. She recently took on late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon in a friendly game of beirut (NOT BEER PONG, which has paddles). Not only was she able to keep up, but she flashes her talent here and there. As a college student, the importance of beirut skills is indescribable. It is a necessity in college and at parties. She may be old, but Betty knows how to get down, and can be my partner anyday (strictly beirut partner... she's like 90).

Superman

Steve Nash is the greatest Canadian to ever live (kind of an oximoron, but nonetheless, he's the shit). He takes a hell of a beating every game and has more guts than any other player in the NBA. He keeps pushing and leads his team to victory consistently. Game 4's victory over the Spurs was no exception. Nash was elbowed by Spurs star Tim Duncan above the right eye. He began to bleed profusely, but after receiving stitches, and nearly sealing his eye shut, Nash returned to the court and led his Phoenix Suns to victory, clinching the series and propelling his team to the Western Conference Finals. Steve Nash's performance defines bad ass. And did you see him cry or complain? No. It's not that he wasn't hurt and affected, his desire to win pushed him to victory. Nash would show his feminine side, if he had one.
Steve Nash, the blackest white guy in the NBA, proving Canadians have more to offer than hockey and bacon.

On the iPad:

Everyone has at least heard about Apple's "breakthrough" tablet dubbed the Ipad. Business Week magazine hailed that it "may change the world" pre-release. The hype before its release was boner-inducing, as in Jessica Alba deciding to give you a blow job. Or for you ladies its hype would be like if men actually listened to what you said for once. Rumors of Steve Jobs' new tablet included capabilities like a webcam for videoconferencing, abilities to realize what family member was holding it, and possibly most shocking the ability to run Windows 7. Apple had first conquered the mp3 world with the iPod then moved on to obliterating the phone industry with the iPhone. Jobs' next logical move was of the computer industry. Thus, the iPad was released.

A gift to mere mortals

Of course, all of it was absolute horse shit. Let me take a step back for a second and ask if you ever wished your iPhone was way too big and couldn't make phone calls? Well that is what the release of the iPad gave us: a huge fucking iPhone, twice the price, minus the iPhone's biggest feature - the ability to call. Oh, and they took the camera off of it too. The iPad's shortcomings are much like those of a not well-endowed man. It doesn't matter how you look, when it comes time to perform you leave much to be desired.

Ah shit....

If you're wondering what the big deal is and where these shortcomings are within the iPad, allow me to enlighten you with five of the suckiest things about it. First we have its necessity of adapters. Want to plug in a flash drive or digital camera? Go buy an adapter! Next is the touch keyboard. This one is pretty self-explanatory as to why it sucks. Third we have the lack of Flash. I really hope you don't care about streaming videos, cause we know most people rarely do that! Fourth we have the inability to multitask. Want to listen to Pandora while writing a document? How about AIM chatting while emailing someone? Want to watch porn while running your Twitter app to let the world know you're watching porn? Too fucking bad you cant do any of that. Lastly is the name iPad itself. Let's all get ready for the Maxi pad jokes now, and lots of them!

Do yourself a favor and just buy a laptop

- Magnus, t.C.

UFC 113 Live Updates

UFC 113 Headlining Lyoto Machida defending his title against Mauricio Shogun Rua. Live Updates of fights between Kimbo Slice and Matt Mitrione, Josh Koschek and Paul Daley, and the Title Fight.


KIMBO SLICE v. MATT MITRIONE
Round One
Kimbo get's the initial takedown, but Mitrione immedietly sinks in a triangle. Kimbo pops out of it and goes into side control. After doing little damage, Mitrione pops it back up to the feet, only to be taken down again and sink in another triangle attempt. He let's go of it and gets back to the feet. Kimbo is gassed. A leg kick brings Kimbo down. Mitrione goes for an anaconda choke and loses it. Bell. Round one to Mitrione.
Round Two
Mitrione opens up with punches and leg kicks. Lands a big leg kick. Kimbos limping and has no answers for the leg kicks. Kimbo goes for a takedown, but has no energy and no left leg. Mitrione goes for knee's to the body up against the fence and takes Kimbo down. Mitrione get's the mount and ground and pounds. Not looking good for Slice. Ref stops it with 30 seconds left. Mitrione gets the W. Extremely One Sided fight.
Matt Mitrione def. Kimbo Slice by TKO 2:30 into Round Two.


JOSH KOSCHEK v. PAUL DALEY
Round One
Fighters don't touch gloves. Koschek goes for a big takedown and gets Daley on his back. Koschek pounds his body. Koschek gets his back and looks for a rear-naked choke. Sinks it in. Daley escapes to his feet, but hammers him with an illegal knee while Koschek was still down (a theme in Koschek fights apparently). Koschek doesn't get up, and is grimicing. Replay shows the knee may not even have hit him. Fight continues. Koschek goes for a takedown, but the bell rings. Round goes to Koschek.
Round Two
Koschek goes for another takedown and gets it. Works on top, and is currently having his way with Daley on the ground. Koschek goes for the full mount, but Daley recovers. Not alot of action. Koschek takes his back, but is in bad position to go for a choke. Koschek lands a few shots. Round Ends. Koschek up 2 rounds to 0.
Round Three of Three
If Daley wants a shot at the title, he needs to stay on his feet and knock Koschek out. Daley's hesitant to attack. Koschek get's ANOTHER takedown. This is becoming predictable. Koschek get's the full mount with  2 full minutes to work with. Not an exciting fight by any means, but Koschek is doing what he needs to do to win, and that's smother Daley on the ground. Round over. Round three to Koschek.
Josh Koschek def. Paul Daley by unanimous decision. 30-27
****Paul Daley punches Josh Koschek 4 seconds after the bell. Could be kicked out of UFC.


LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. 
LYOTO MACHIDA v. MAURICIO "SHOGUN" RUA
Round One
Rua starts the action with two kicks. Shogun goes for a takedown, but Machida counters and gets his own takedown. Back to the feet and Shogun get's him against the fence. Down to the ground, and back up again. Shogun lands a few shots. He looks good. Shogun lands a right that drops Machida! Jumps on top and finishes him off! MACHIDA IS OUT! KO victory to give Shogun the light heavyweight championship.
Mauricio Shogun Rua def. Lyoto Machida by Knockout in Round One to become the new UFC Light Heavyweight Champion.

Exit Through The Gift Shop

The world of street art has finally be caught on film. Banksy and Shepard Fairey, arguably the best street artists (S.A.) in the world, have been caught on tape! Thierry Guetta, cousin of another notorious S.A. Invader, began video taping Invader at work. Through Invaders popularity among S.A. Mr. Guetta was able to compile years of video on Banksy, of which there has never been video of, Shepard Fairey, and other street artists at work.

Shepard Fairey: Most famous for his iconic Obama face, Shepard Fairey has been active for many years (1989). Starting with the "Andre the Giant has a Posse" which transformed into "Obey Giant," a clothing company. Having been a S.A. for a very long time, he has recently become involved in actual art showings in galleries such as The Institute of Contemporary Art (ICA) located in Boston.

Banksy: From London, Banksy has been active for several years starting in the early 1990's. He has infiltrated many historic sights like the London Zoo, Museum of Modern Art, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. As stated before there haven't been any videos or images taken of Banksy.

This film was originally released at the Sundance Festival in January and has been getting great reviews. IMBd gives it 84% popularity and Rotten Tomatoes, 95%. I have to confess I have not yet been able to see the movie with lack of a car and no independent movie theaters in my town. I have not been able to find it on the internet yet and thats not for lack of trying, there doesn't seem to be anyway to download it but it should gain popularity soon and become more easily accessible.

Electrolightz present ElectroNightz

http://fileblaze.net/external.html?key=7aa598839a2196e1e8926eadc51be815

Hey guys. For those of you who went to the Zoo's Spring Concert you know who these guys are. Listening to them Live, I thought that they were pretty good, but nothing to call 
home about. Then I heard this mixtape. Download it, seriously. They blend techno and rap, with a Travis McCoy (Gym Class) flow, extremely well, and if you listen to the whole mixtape, you can never tell when they switch songs because one song flows into another so perfectly. I can honestly now call myself an Electrolightz fan. Check this shit outtt. I wouldn't steer you in the wrong direction.

I am so happy the C's traded Delonte..

I mean let's be serious for one second.. I clicked on this video on youtube because I wanted to see a sick freestyle. Delonte West is (kind of) black, and has neck tattoo's like nobody's business. I was waiting for something good to happen, and then he started singing. This video is the reason that the Celtics will beat the Cav's in the Eastern Conference Semi's. Now, I honestly don't expect anyone to watch this entire video, because I got like 3 minutes in before my Gaydar went off and I had to shut it off. But this is something I felt like I had to get out there. Let the racist KFC jokes begin..

Silly Philly

This Philly fanatic is such a big fan, he wanted to be a part of the Phillies/ Cardinals game Monday night. He ran out on to the field during the eighth inning and took a light jog around the outfield before epically being taken down by a TASER. Oh yeah, this dude was not fucking around one bit, anyone who messes with him is getting tasered.

Freeze Motha Fucka

So the debate begins; was the use of a taser justified? Hell fucking yeah it was. Who knows, this kid could have been a killer, or lunatic (Maybe a St. Lunatic?). This security guard showed everyone he's the fucking boss and nobody comes into his hood and tries to front.

Girls and Guys Can't be "Only" Friends

On Cats:

Wikipedia starts off their article on cats as follows, "The cat (felis catus), also known as the domestic cat or house cat to distinguish it from other felines and felids, is a small domesticated carnivorous mammal that is valued by humans for its companionship and its ability to hunt vermin and household pests." Let's break this quote down real quick. First half of quote: accurate. Its common knowledge that cats are also known as a house cat to distinguish it from other felines, and yes it is domesticated. Second half of quote: absolute horse shit.

Does this cat look like its useful for hunting vermin? Didn't think so.

As for the companionship part... I am yet to meet a cat that doesn't act like it is the spawn of Satan. They act more like they want to kill you than your companion. Take, for example, their habit of pawing your face while you sleep. For one it is as annoying as hell and doesn't let you get a good night's sleep. More importantly though, even though it may not be very good at smothering, it doesn't stop the cat from trying.

There are those protestors out there that argue, "But Magnus cats are useful! They are good hunters! They bring dead birds and mice all the time to the house as presents. And how can you not say they aren't good companions!? They love being your pet and being with you."

These people need to be slapped awake. Leave your door open for your precious house cat and see how long it takes for it to get out. Think it's coming back? Think again. That thing is long gone and you are all the better for it. And as for the mice and birds it brings you? Its not a present, its a fucking sign.

Just saying, it's possible.

- Magnus, t.C.

the Drunken Wu at the Zoo

This past weekend at UMass was absolutely insane. With the Hobart Hoedown, and countless parties because of this being the last weekend, people we're smashed ALL weekend. I worked Saturday night, from 5-9 and then immediately went out. We listened to the Wu-Tang Clan nearly the entire time, and that resulted in drunken me having an obsession with throwing the Wu up in pictures.. Check this out...

Man-Tips from Forrest Griffin..

   For those of you who don't know who Forrest Griffin is, he might be the most manly badass I have ever had the privilege to read about. Forrest is a UFC fighter, who won the first season of the Ultimate Fighter. He's a former light-heavyweight champion, and he recently wrote a book called "Got Fight?" which i picked up and read this past summer. He talks about how to be a "man" and tells stories that I thought I would share with you..

    Forrest Griffin on...

• INTIMIDATION-  He talks about how one time, his roommate was fucking with him in college. He could of kicked the shit out of the guy, but he decided to send a message instead of beating up the dude. So he takes a lighter, and looks at the kid. And he says simply "My records 16 seconds, want to see me break it?" and starts burning his arm. He held it there so long (3/4 seconds) that his roommate had to knock the lighter out of his hand. Forrest walked away, with a bubbly, burned arm, and acted like nothing happened. And that kid never fucked with him again..
• PICKING UP CHICKS-  Now some of these are something I would never have the guts to do, but apparently I'm not a "real man". Forrest went up to a girl in a bar one time. They got to talking when he said "I'm sorry I can't do this, I have extremely low self esteem and I have a really small dick." The girl would try to walk away and get away from him, when he says to her "Do you think you could take a look and tell me what you think?" which is when he whips out his dick, and it automatically looks huge cuz she was expecting something so small. And she's immediately interested. It's called reverse psychology people. 
• PAIN/QUITTING- When you're a fighter, obviously dealing with pain and giving up is a big part of the job. Forrest is fucking insane, and in his book he makes sure you know that. To train himself to feel no pain, he goes to the gym and gets on the treadmill. He puts the treadmill up to 15.0 (thats fucking fast for those of you who dont go to the gym), and runs. He'll sprint like that until his legs burn like nobodys business. It's basic human instinct to quit, but he doesn't. And after doing this day after day, you start to not feel pain as much, and not quit so easily in the ring.

WTF?!... that's good.

Okay, I know it's fucked but this girl is out of her mind. Watch some of her other videos if you want more. But first, focus in at the Dad at 0:45 seconds... Sounds like the ill rapist, I think there's more than just drinkable shampoo in that bottle...



"That's good."

Put It On Freestyle

This was the last weekend at ZooMass, we went hard and apparently rapped?
No one remembers doing it, but it's fire... so fucked up!

Z00M@$$

I'M FUCKED.... WHAT'S GOOD?!