On the iPad:

Everyone has at least heard about Apple's "breakthrough" tablet dubbed the Ipad. Business Week magazine hailed that it "may change the world" pre-release. The hype before its release was boner-inducing, as in Jessica Alba deciding to give you a blow job. Or for you ladies its hype would be like if men actually listened to what you said for once. Rumors of Steve Jobs' new tablet included capabilities like a webcam for videoconferencing, abilities to realize what family member was holding it, and possibly most shocking the ability to run Windows 7. Apple had first conquered the mp3 world with the iPod then moved on to obliterating the phone industry with the iPhone. Jobs' next logical move was of the computer industry. Thus, the iPad was released.

A gift to mere mortals

Of course, all of it was absolute horse shit. Let me take a step back for a second and ask if you ever wished your iPhone was way too big and couldn't make phone calls? Well that is what the release of the iPad gave us: a huge fucking iPhone, twice the price, minus the iPhone's biggest feature - the ability to call. Oh, and they took the camera off of it too. The iPad's shortcomings are much like those of a not well-endowed man. It doesn't matter how you look, when it comes time to perform you leave much to be desired.

Ah shit....

If you're wondering what the big deal is and where these shortcomings are within the iPad, allow me to enlighten you with five of the suckiest things about it. First we have its necessity of adapters. Want to plug in a flash drive or digital camera? Go buy an adapter! Next is the touch keyboard. This one is pretty self-explanatory as to why it sucks. Third we have the lack of Flash. I really hope you don't care about streaming videos, cause we know most people rarely do that! Fourth we have the inability to multitask. Want to listen to Pandora while writing a document? How about AIM chatting while emailing someone? Want to watch porn while running your Twitter app to let the world know you're watching porn? Too fucking bad you cant do any of that. Lastly is the name iPad itself. Let's all get ready for the Maxi pad jokes now, and lots of them!

Do yourself a favor and just buy a laptop

- Magnus, t.C.